Afghan Chicken War!

A common knock against open immigration policies and official multiculturalism is that many immigrant groups bring the the fights and social schisms from their homelands to their adopted countries. While it isn't unheard of, I've always thought the threat was overstated. That, until I heard about the Afghan Chicken Wars that are raging throughout New York City, from a beautifully-handled story by Dan Bilefsky. 

Abdul Haye, "the self-styled Colonel Sanders of New York’s Afghan community", claims that he owns the rights to the "Kennedy Fried Chicken" brand, which has spawned hundreds of knockoff restaurants, none of which pay him royalties or franchise rights. A few points worth noting: First, Kennedy Fried Chicken is itself a dubious take on Kentucky Fried Chicken. Second, it isn't clear that Haye himself owns the rights to the brand, since he appears to have "borrowed" it from the original Kennedy Fried Chicken restaurant, which was opened in Flatbush in 1972 by one Zia Taeb. Mr. Haye didn't open his restaurant until 1994.

But what's great about this story is how typically Afghan the reactions from his competitors are. Afghans are famously combative, independent, and anti-hierarchical. No sooner does someone achieve a position of authority in his community than everyone else tries to pull him down. And so:

“We won’t pay a penny,” huffed Nour Abdullah, the manager of Kennedy Fried Chicken on Junction Boulevard in Corona, Queens, which seems indistinguishable from Mr. Haye’s except for the fried shrimp balls and gyros on the menu. “I can rename the shop Munir Fried Chicken after my son or even New Kennedy Fried Chicken. Then let’s see what he’s going to do.”

Even Mr. Taeb thinks Mr. Haye is out of luck. “He won’t win because I know my people, and Afghans will never pay him,” he said. “I will go after him.”

The story ends with a fantastic kicker, with Mr. Haye slouched resignedly over a plate of lamb chops:  “You know, Afghans don’t even like eating fried chicken.”

Selling authenticity: The Bethenny Frankel brand

One of the aspects of the authenticity hoax is that one of the underlying assumptions of the modern search for the self is that, once we strip away all of the accretions of culture – the status seeking, the masks and the false consciousness of consumer society – we'll discover a true self that is almost godlike in its innocence and creative power. But I argue that's an assumption we're not entitled to make. What we find is that while some of us do have hearts of gold, many of have hearts of darkness. In countless ways we're scared, weak, flawed and frail. Or, in the case of Bethenny Frankel, you're just a bitch.

You know Bethenny: reality tv star, author, pregnant bridezilla, and personal brand manager extraordinaire. Regarding her new show, Bethenney Getting Married, she says, "I'm never going to edit myself because then the show wouldn't be authentic."You want authenticity? Frankel will give it to you in spades. In this profile in Salon, Heather Havrilesky gets it exactly right:

Her total lack of shame and regret, in fact, make Bethenny the ultimate personal brand for the 21st century. Hiding from the public eye, trying to keep parts of your life private, not having light-hearted rejoinders and flip explanations for everything you do – these are tantamount to embracing failure these days. The media-saturated universe wants a steady flow of soundbytes, bloopers, behind-the-scenes footage, inside scoops – the more humiliating, the better. Cooperate to feed the machine exactly the sorts of calories it wants, and watch your star rise.

But authenticity is one thing, likeability is something else entirely. But who cares? In this, the age of authenticity, what we want more than anything else is disclosure. Kill off the wizard of oz, let us see behind the curtains of your life. What do you have to hide? It turns out if there's money to be made, virtues such as shame, discretion, and privacy are for chumps.

Related: Oprah Winfrey: the greatest story ever told.

(Thanks to Chris for the pointer.)